Let it Burn

I wrote a thousand pages and I burned them all

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Sometimes the mess has to be burned
to the ground to let the grand
and glorious grow.

Let it burn.

(The above words are from my poem Everything is Speaking, from my book Staying in Love)

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Note: The words in the subtitle are from a song I love entitled: It’s ok by Nightbirde

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Yesterday I burned old journal, after old journal. I burned words I wrote when I was in my teens, words I wrote in my twenties, my thirties, my forties.

It was not pretty. There were tears, fear, shame. High wind gusts.

Clearly a windy day isn’t the best day to have a blazing campfire in your backyard. But, for reasons I can’t entirely explain, it couldn’t wait.

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So, after a morning full of many tears (tears that I understood & some I didn’t at all understand), I collected a grocery bag full of old journals, matches, kindling, firewood, and began to burn.

Before I threw the journals into the flames, I flipped through and read little bits and pieces. Mostly, I cringed at how I was churning over the same bullshit things in my teens as I am today in my 50s. Mostly, I perceived the writing as blah blah blah. And more blah.

As I burned journal after journal, I felt like I was purging my insides, releasing the old old old. Inviting in the new.

I’m so deeply tired of the old.

I’m ready to let the ancient stories burn, the limiting beliefs, the shame, the embarrassment, the hesitation that so often leaves me paralyzed with more fear than this small body can hold.

As I watched the pages curl, blacken, blaze, I thought about the time, when I was around thirteen, that my dad picked my journal off of the kitchen table and began to read. My words. Without permission.

After reading a bit, he laid the journal back on the table and, with a voice dripping with sarcasm, he said: Well, that’s deep.

Burning cheeks. Belly drop. A need to crawl under the table.

Old old old.

It’s not surprising that all of this is rising to the surface as my third book of poetry is making its way into the world.

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I am pausing now to deeply honor that young girl, that young woman, who kept filling notebook after notebook, who dug deep deep inside herself for courage, who continued even when.

Words were the way she began the long walk home to herself. Words are still the way.

I am forever grateful to the page for continuing to hold it all. What necessary medicine it is to allow the truth to live somewhere other than inside the body.

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I have many more grocery bags full of journals to burn, but the process has begun.

I feel a little lighter. A little braver. Deeply grateful for the girl and young woman who knew how to walk herself home. I bow with gratitude to her.

And I continue to walk.

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How about you, dear human? What are you ready to burn?

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Now available for PRE-ORDER

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My hope is that this book of poetry feels like a nest you can rest inside. And also like a spark that grows you more into your brightest, bravest self.

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As a special thank you, if you pre-order (pre-orders matter so much!) between June 2rd and June 20th, you’ll be invited to a private, live, online book celebration with me on Tuesday, June 30th, from 5:00—6:00 p.m (Pacific Standard Time). If you’re unable to make it to the live event, you will receive a link to the recording (via email). The Zoom link will be sent out to those who PRE-ORDER (a day or 2 before the event). To those who have already pre-ordered, thank you. So much.

Click HERE (or on the above image of my book cover) to PRE-ORDER now.

Note: Once the book is officially released, it will be available in all major online bookstores. PRE-ORDER is only available via my Etsy shop. All books ordered via my Etsy shop will be signed. 🌾

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