Opening the Window
She Will Not Be Quiet: A (mostly unedited) daily writing practice
Day #61 of (mostly unedited) daily writing/sharing
Opening the Window
Doesn’t everything die at last, and too soon? —Mary Oliver
I don't know how to stop writing about the same things I wrote about yesterday, how to show and not tell, how to love a body that carries this weight, these scars, how to forgive a mother who was more concerned with closing the windows so the neighbors wouldn't hear than protecting her children, how to replace the word stupid that my father spit in rage, with words that feel feather-soft, how to forgive the younger me who so often left herself, how to sit with this restlessness, this voice that screams wrong wrong wrong. My words are small, scattered, searching for a place to land, but instead, they play hide and go seek. I am tired of seeking. Tired of hiding. Tired of closing the windows. But, I don't know how to keep these legs from running when things gets hard, how to find the ground when the ground won't stand still, how to quiet the noise long enough to find the truth— how to fall freely in love when everything dies at last, and too soon. I'll start with I don't know, with noticing the breeze that finds me just now through the open kitchen window—with feather-soft words meant just for me.
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"feather-soft words meant just for me." *Dreamy sigh* This poem feels like a feather softly brushing against my heart.
Julia, this is so, so rich. And real. I used your line, "I don't know how" as a prompt and it led me somewhere special. Thank you :-)