Praying for Something Beautiful
She Will Not Be Quiet: A (mostly unedited) daily writing practice
Jotting from my journal…. Day #40 of daily writing/sharing
Praying for Something Beautiful
Sometimes (often/almost-always) it's easier to mop the floors, fold the laundry, scroll social media to see what everyone else is up to, then to sit your ass on the chair and turn toward the blank page. It's easier to call your sister, your friend, your mom, take the dog for a walk (and another walk), than to get quiet and face the noise inside yourself. Hell, I'm certain wars are started because it's easier to start wars on the outside than to face the one on the inside. Everything in me is trying to get me to leave this chair, go run the errand, unload the dishwasher, check this, check that. But, instead, I put the kettle on, strike a match, light my favorite honey-scented candle, take a few slow, deep breaths. What is here? Too many voices saying too many things—things like: Your writing is shit. Get off your ass and do something productive (as if creating something new isn't the most productive thing there is). And on and on the voices go. I look out the window and notice that the rain has stopped, the sun is peeking through, the maple tree is budding bright and beautiful, the sky is my favorite kind of sky—dark and light at the same time. And me, I am here breathing, giving myself permission to stay here and make something new, because I am a woman and my own permission is the only permission I need. I am a woman sitting at her kitchen table trusting in something much greater than her little will. I am a woman who is praying that this war inside of her can be a portal to something beautiful. I am the woman buried beneath all of the other women, the one who knows that the portal is right here on the inside. And that it is everything.
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